Shifting from FOMO to JOMO

Today I'd like to talk to you about FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). I have had this problem essentially my whole life. Starting literally as a child. I wanted so bad to be included and liked. This continued into adulthood and all the way into my sobriety.

For you, it might go something like this:

You're scrolling through social media and what you see makes you feel a certain way.

“Wait, the two of them went to the beach this weekend? Why didn’t they invite me?"

“Another picture-perfect family photo. I wish mine were that way.”

“She posted a picture from this party she was at tonight, and – even though I wouldn’t have wanted to go – I wish I’d been invited!”

In the social media world where people tend to only post pictures of themselves living their best lives, it can be easy to fall into feeling FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out).

I have friends who hate going to parties, but if they see a post of their friends at one, they get all bummed that they’re missing out on something they didn’t want to do in the first place. (Kinda crazy, right?)

Well, the same thing can happen when we decide to quit drinking alcohol.

And it all comes down to our beliefs and narrative around it.

If we believe that alcohol is this magical potion that makes us super fun and attractive (but, never really does..), then we may feel anxious and fearful about how to navigate certain social spaces without it.

So, I have two challenges for you.

Challenge 1: Figure out if the event you are attending or didn't get invited to is something you actually find enjoyable. Think about it. Are you going simply because everyone else is and that's just “what you do”? Do you need alcohol to make it fun? If the answer is yes, then do you really want to be there? What would you rather be doing?

I want you to bring some awareness to next event you go to. When you're there, look around. Is this event even fun? Do you truly enjoy the people you are surrounded by? Do you need alcohol to make it fun?

Challenge 2: Shift your mindset from FOMO (FEAR Of Missing Out) to JOMO (JOY Of Missing Out).

Be thankful that you aren't at the party. Be grateful that you won't wake up with a hangover like everyone else. Fill your time with things that actually DO bring you joy.

Take a piece of paper and write down all the things that are important to you in your life as well as some of your favorite things to do. Then, next time you are invited to something or other people you know are going, take a look at the list. Does it align with the things you value in your life? If the answer is no, perhaps you could forgo the event. Choose to do something that lights you up instead.

Taking this approach really helped me feel ok with “missing out”. I don't feel like I am missing out because instead I am filling my time with the things that I like to do, so it doesn't really matter what everyone else is doing. Also, if you weren't invited, are those even your people?? Maybe it's time to find you some new friends! Perhaps we will can tackle that in the next blog post!

For now, let's focus on the joy of missing out!

Try thinking of it as a practice of gratitude. Here’s what it might look like:

When everyone around you is getting drunk, you can be grateful that you no longer have to drink to feel (temporarily) calm or to have fun.

As you notice everyone booking an Uber because they can't drive home, you are grateful that you’re able to drive home safely, sleep soundly, and wake up feeling refreshed the next day, without having to find a way downtown to retrieve your car.

You experience the joy of missing out (of drinking) when you’re able to give thanks for all of the beautiful benefits that you’re receiving from alcohol-free living.

You choose to be grateful that your relationships have improved because you're not drinking.

You choose to be grateful that you have more money in your pocket to spend on the things that matter most to you while your friends are wasting money and time at the bar.

You choose to be grateful that you have the ability to feel all of your feelings and you no longer need to check out to avoid them.

So just remember…

In every moment – you have the freedom to choose joy and gratitude over fear and anxiety.

If you need support or guidance to get yourself to the JOMO sweet spot, I am here for you. Don't hesitate to reach out! Click below to send me an email ⬇️ I would love to hear from you!

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